quarta-feira, 10 de novembro de 2010

Terapeuta :p

Acabei de achar essa "carta" que eu escrevi numa noite de insônia em abril de 2009, oito meses antes do intercâmbio pra Ramsgate. Engraçado ler um texto assim tão pessoal, estruturalmente todo podre, mas sincero (e meio deprê,actually). Bom, erros a parte, vou postar ele na íntegra (mas se tiver alguma coisa muito podre eu corrijo msm assim).


My Gosh!

Finally the penny dropped, you know? Just now, after closing the Yazigi Travel 's contract that I'm really feeling through my veins the weight of all of that. England, mate! England!

Everything is gonna be so different: the below zero winter, the clothing - I'm eight months from the trip and already planning my luggage... dear God - new people, lots of responsibilities, whatever, a whole different culture and environment. Feels like I'm going to another planet, you know? It's so frightening and thrilling at the same time, as if my heart'd be pulled off my chest at any moment.

What about the English? I'm quite sure I speak well for a foreign but what if I panic and start gasping? It'd be so ridiculous...

I'm so anxious that I just can't sleep at all and that's the reason why am I writing this: stress reliever, you know? So anxious am I that I'm listening to Coldplay - and things need to be very depressive to make me want to listen'em. And probably because the Murilo feeling came back, or something like that.

 I just need some time to digest all that new information...

Gosh, I really can't sleep...

The fun fact is that I'm still thinking of how am I going to survive. There' still hell of other things to be concerned within this eight months such as school, but mainly my friends. I have to say that I'm feeling lonelier than ever and at the same time I stopped keeping touch with a lot of friends... my best ones from Santa - Leti, Ananda, Tri's. And now that Flavia has gone to Objetivo I understand how difficult is to lost somebody in your life that's so close, but still so far.

Feels like I'm becoming a selfish guy. I'm always complaining about things around me, though I'm effortless to do things for the others and it's kinda sad. It makes me feel weak, as if I was denying Paula's legacy: "Pense nos outros" is what she taught us (actually Fernando Sabino did but anyway)

By the way, she's another person that I should keep in touch. Don't know what about her, but for me she was one of those friends for life. Matter of fact I rather not even think about our moments in the 6th grade because it's like living trapped in the past